Day 10: The Hardest Days

 

So... some of you may have noticed that I didn't post last night at the end of my Day 10. You'd think I'd be pretty happy about that what with being a 1/3 of the way through and everything and feeling physically better. Yeah, well, I didn't actually feel all that great last night.

One of my biggest insecurities is worrying about having bad breath. I always carry mints, gum, spray, etc. around with me. I knew better than to eat mints--didn't even consider them, but my Listerine Breath Strips--I never considered NOT using them until a co-worker offered me a stick of gum. As I was declining the gum all of a sudden I wondered about the breath strips I'd been using. When I got home I looked it up. Yep, artificial sweetener. C.R.A.P.

I was devastated. 

I couldn't face the blog. I went to bed. I didn't even tell my daughter and sister who started with me. I felt like I had let everyone down. I finally came clean to one of my work friends who is on her day 4. She was very supportive, so I told another co-worker. This co-worker had completed a W30 before and had a similar experience. We talked through my feelings of betrayal because there had been no mention of breath fresheners (or toothpaste for that matter) and any of the W30 literature that I had read to prepare for this journey. 

Ultimately I realized that regardless of whether I made a conscious decision to eat a piece of pizza or unconsciously slipped a breath strip in my mouth, the damage was done and I couldn't undo it. I should have done a better job with my research and been more diligent about what I allowed in my body. So it was time to suck it up, learn from the experience and add 10 days to my W30. Psychologically it's better for me to say I'm doing a Whole40. That way I get the benefit of the entire 30 days but I don't totally discount the 10 days of really hard work that I already put in. I broke the news to my sister and daughter, and they were totally on board with going the 40 days with me. 

I love my support group! Thank you, Dani, Carolyn, Melissa, and Connie for all of your support. And thank you to those of you who will read this and I'm sure add your support, too. This has been a huge lesson in humility in addition to everything else.

And, since I promised full disclosure from the start-now you know, too.